Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith. Hebrews 10:22a.
A week and a half ago, I traveled to Denver, CO to attend the American Christian Fiction Writers conference. Three days jammed with friends, learning, and celebrations. Overall, the conference was a positive experience and God’s hand was evident as He worked in peoples’ lives.
One change over past years’ conference is that I went to the conference as a Genesis finalist. The Genesis is the unpublished writers contest sponsored by ACFW. I had finaled in the contemporary romance category with four other wonderful women. I was honored, touched, and rather shocked that my novel was chosen.
Saturday night rolled around and my stomach had become a circus act with all the somersaults. I picked at my delicious dinner...even the incredible dessert. The awards ceremony began. As crazy as it sounds, I prayed for two things--I wouldn’t win because I did not want to give a thank you speech and that I would have a joyful heart for the winner. Because I’m a girl of contradictions. I didn’t want to win because I didn’t want to give that dreaded thank you speech, but deep deep deep down I wanted to win because that would validate the insecure part of me that has been writing for the past decade.
The Genesis awards began. To my shock and honor, my name was called as runner up. Of course I was seated at the very back of the banquet room, so I had to walk all the way to the front to accept my certificate.
The room was as silent as a stone. Not a cough. An ahem. Nothing. As I walked, I kept thinking, “don’t trip. Don’t trip.” I made it to the platform, accepted my certificate, and stepped down to get my picture taken by the conference photographer.
As I headed back to my table, I was greeted with hugs and thumbs up. An incredible experience. I was humbled and awed that my manuscript was chosen. When Christy LaShea Smith won first place, my heart rejoiced for her. I was so happy and gave her a huge hug.
God answered my prayers.
In my novel, Draw Me Close, my main character Lindsey believes God is selective about the prayers He answers. She believes He turns a deaf ear to select people. As the story progresses, she realizes God answers every prayer, but we may not understand....or like His answer. God answers yes to some, no to some, and wait to others. He knows the plans He has for us and answers our prayers in accordance to His will. After all, He is our Father. And Father knows best.
Confession time--even though I was surrounded by over 500 people and had a terrific conference experience, I had moments of loneliness and insecurity. Times when I felt I was on the outside looking in. The shy girl who wanted to play with the popular kids, but didn’t feel they’d want to play with me. Why would they?
Those were the moments when God drew me closer to Him. He whispered in my ear that I was worthy. He reminded me He was only a prayer away. I realized I was allowing my insecurities and self-doubt interfere with this amazing conference. He placed people in my path who encouraged me, lifted me in prayer, and hugged me.
He drew me close.
I came home feeling closer to Him than I had in a long time.
No matter what is happening in your life, God is beside you every step of the way. Call on Him and He will draw you close.
